Really now?!

There is a time and place for everything. There is a time to stand up for what is right. There is also a time to be clueless.

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Its the little things in life...

That make me happy.... This is one of them... LOVE a sweet red!  Sipping some now!

Tired Brain Ramblings...

Walking in a cloud, Not awake yet not asleep.  Was a long day really but I am not going to complain, I have a job and I do not mind it all that much really.  Today is my Thursday and it really does throw me off just a bit as it is really Friday, but lets not tackle that battle right yet. 

You ever just feel a storm brewing, seeing it on the horizon, it's not here yet, though you know it is coming?  Call it my neurosis but I can feel something brewing.  It is like right before the lightening strikes and those little hairs stand to attention...?  I cannot yet pin point anything, but I can feel it... feel it to the core. 

The past year I have gotten rid of a lot of baggage and so happy I have... It is to keep the storms from brewing so much, a little rain now and then is not so bad, but everyday having a hurricane is just all too much.  I am making some changes and keeping myself distant from some to keep the storms at bay.

Do they make fans to blow the clouds away? 

On another note, really considering on Palm Sunday taking my son to mass to have his first Catholic Church experience.  I was raised all my life Catholic, and feel he is now 12 and I have not taken him to mass since he was a baby.  What better time than through out Lent and all?

Ok... ramblings for now are done.  Nothing too new in my mind of madness.  

Stolen Lyrics

Still my all time favorite song after many years...

SheDaisy - Keep Me

This can't really be what life is all about
Learning how to live just to live without
The travesty's the irony and the irony is you
I've traded in my sanctity for a cheaper shade of blue

And as I surrender to this sunken bed
So afflicted by the tenant in my head
Even now, I wonder how you lay her down to sleep
When secretly, I know that it's my soul that you pray
To keep
But will you really keep me

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/shedaisy/#share

Life

Sometimes in life you have all the answers... other times? Not so much.... so how do you journey forward when you are completely clueless which path or pathes are the right one(s)?

How can we be sure we are not on the wrong road when the one next to it is the right one? How do we know and determine which one is which?

What the hell do I do?

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Voice

Voices chattering, roaming about

Arguing to "Do this!"  "Do that!"

Screaming in reply "Im in control!"

Struggling and fighting to keep control

Losing a losing battle.

Coming forward one emerges, taking over

slipping to the background, no control.

Screaming, yelling, not being heard.

Being pushed in a box, lid closed

no breathing holes to survive.

Dieing yet not an option, Torture with no pain

to fell pain one possess the body

Pushing the box, needing light, control.

pushed further back to darkness, away.

Far and away,  weeping inside just a soul.

Soundless, dreamless sleep, unknowing any

outcome.  Days, weeks, months fly by,

or do they?  Time means nothing here.

Today has no tomorrow, Yesterday doesn't exist.

No seasons, no months and no holidays.

Voices appear and taunt and tease.  Scratching,

scraping, inflicting pain, just because.

"Time to wake up!"  "Rise and shine!" "You're

needed!" Prodding, pinching, punching and kicking.

Fist rubbing eyes, sleeping eyes, soul awakens.

Voices yelling "Move it!" "GO!" "Stop lagging!"

Tugging my soul and Tugging my mind. Forcing 

to step forward.  Fingers stretch and soul electrifies.

Being thrusted forward into the mind, taking over

control. Blinking, unaware of surrounding.

The yelling and the screaming, Arguing about to

"Wake up!" "Move!" "GO!" blinking and seeing 

light.  Boggled and confused, dazed and lost.

"Oh am I awake? What am I doing? Why?"

Looking about, need a barring, a compass.

Myself, me, not we.  This is not a joint project.

I want control of me.  No more sharing.

"But mother says we must share!"

Not everything I have is to share! I share 

myself everyday! Not a minute alone.

Every thought I ever had, never to myself.

Nothing sacred, nothing of mine to hold, ever.

Is it too much to ask? To have my own mind?

Make my own decisions?  To know what day 

it is?  To be my own life?

They move to the background.  A moment of true

silence.  Panic, fear, loneliness... What is this strange

feeling?  Total silence.  I cannot do this alone!  It is

too scary out there! What do I do?!  Where will I go?

How will I manage? I am sorry.

The voices answer back "We will never leave you. Appreciate us."

On a More Serious Note....

Not Everything in Life Needs a Serious Note,

But Maybe a Hall Pass.

Kitchen War Floor Saga!

So yesterday I went and got me a lovely little Swiffer Wet Mop... See...  I have these lovely light kitchen floors that just show every little speck of dust... The floors LOVE it!  I come home every day and they mock me... "Step on me!  LEAVE DIRT!"  I sweep daily... and will do a quick light mop... but it just doesn’t quite get it clean enough... So the floors taught me over and over....

So with the Swiffer Mop... I figure... "Ill show them damn floors...."  And show them I did!!!!!  I got that nice smelling Febreeze cleaner for it... I soaked the hell out them floors!  Had to use two of the Swiffer pads to get all the wetness up!  YAY!  I WON THE BATTLE!  The floors are very unhappy and rebelling against me!  Half way through mopping them, they almost had me trapped in the corner...  the water was building up all around me… but my trusty comrade the KITCHEN TABLE called out to me yelling “Use my back and save yourself!!!!!” In the sacrifice of my table I was saved… I was able to escape them, though just barely...
RIP DEAR KITCHEN TABLE!  You get the highest medal of courage!

So I finally finish mopping...  I hold my Swiffer up in Victory!  YES!  I HAVE WON!  I WIN!

I come in and sit to my lovely computer... Who by the way as been on its best behavior lately...  and I get this taunting chiming sound in my kitchen!  OH NO!  MY PHONE!  I go run and look... the floors are LAUGHING AT ME!  THEY HAVE MY PHONE!  IT IS BEEPING AND GOING OFF AND I CANT GET TO IT!  MY POOR PHONE!  The floors laugh and taunt me... "We have your phone....  You have a message too... You can’t get to it!"  
Now here is the dilemma... Do I just walk across my lovely clean floors and get my phone?!  NO I CAN’T DO THAT!  I GOT THEM CLEAN and it will leave foot prints and my feet will be wet and mark up my clean wood floors in my other rooms!  OH WOE WOE WOE IS ME!!!!  So I stand in my hallway just listening to my phone beep at me in a sad little cry when I hear that evil laugh again from the floors....  They chant out to me..."Wouldnt you just love some coffee....."
DAMN YOUS FLOORS!  THEY HAVE MY COFFEE POT!

I have lost this battle...  The phone and the coffee pot...  RIP!  You were strong warriors!  

The Kitchen Floor Wars Saga Continues!!!!

Through a rescue ops mission I went to take back my Phone!  In the battle I lost the trusty PINK BEAST (my bluetooth) and was still unable to get to the phone... le sigh…

So my trusty sidekick Miss Roxy (my doggy) thought she could go and lick on the floors.. Tickle them into submission! 
NO!  THEY WON OVER!  She cried and ran off!  My poor little sidekick...

Finally I can go into my kitchen and reclaim my coffee pot and found where they hid my phone!  As I get my lovely cup of coffee... THE FLOORS FIGHT BACK!  I stumble and coffee goes on the floor!  They mock me further...  "WE ARE DIRTY AGAIN!"  Blasted floors!

So I pull back out the mop!  "YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME!!!!!!!!!!" 

So I easily got the coffee up... The floors groaned... I laughed!

And to further teach them a lesson... They now have a lovely throw rug over them!

I HAVE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!  VICTORY IS MINE!

Now to just stop thinking about how much dirt will collect under that rug.  Oh I can hear them mocking me already!  Le sigh…

Fabric of My Life

Laying my life out
A crisp white clean sheet...

Looking closer only to find,
the ends are frayed,
Where they should be neat...
the sheet is wrinkled...
Where it should be smooth.

Upon closer investigation,
you can see the stains of memories.
No longer does this sheet
blind you with purity.
For it is stained in every color.

Looking deeper into the memory bank,
Noticing things once forgotten.
Hence, the holes through out this sheet,
Faded haze of forgetfulness...
The sheet taunting me.

Holding this fabric,
grasping my life
realizing only shards remain.
So much already done and forgotten,
So much more to do.

Can this piece of material hold up?
I see where it has been mended,
yet you can still see those stitches,
the scars left onto this fabric.
Realizing once more...

This is the fabric of my Life.

 

In a Moment of Madness...

In a moment of madness,

A shriek of panic,

Clutching to the lost shreds,

Shred of hope,

Shred of light,

Shred of sanity.

In a moment of madness

Crying out your name,

Screaming inside my head

Screaming pain,

Screaming dream,

Screaming to scream.

In a moment of madness,

All hope is lost,

No light at the end of the tunnel,

No hand to hold,

No face to kiss,

No one to love.

In a moment of madness I sit and cry over the madness of the moment.

NSM