Kitchen War Floor Saga!

So yesterday I went and got me a lovely little Swiffer Wet Mop... See...  I have these lovely light kitchen floors that just show every little speck of dust... The floors LOVE it!  I come home every day and they mock me... "Step on me!  LEAVE DIRT!"  I sweep daily... and will do a quick light mop... but it just doesn’t quite get it clean enough... So the floors taught me over and over....

So with the Swiffer Mop... I figure... "Ill show them damn floors...."  And show them I did!!!!!  I got that nice smelling Febreeze cleaner for it... I soaked the hell out them floors!  Had to use two of the Swiffer pads to get all the wetness up!  YAY!  I WON THE BATTLE!  The floors are very unhappy and rebelling against me!  Half way through mopping them, they almost had me trapped in the corner...  the water was building up all around me… but my trusty comrade the KITCHEN TABLE called out to me yelling “Use my back and save yourself!!!!!” In the sacrifice of my table I was saved… I was able to escape them, though just barely...
RIP DEAR KITCHEN TABLE!  You get the highest medal of courage!

So I finally finish mopping...  I hold my Swiffer up in Victory!  YES!  I HAVE WON!  I WIN!

I come in and sit to my lovely computer... Who by the way as been on its best behavior lately...  and I get this taunting chiming sound in my kitchen!  OH NO!  MY PHONE!  I go run and look... the floors are LAUGHING AT ME!  THEY HAVE MY PHONE!  IT IS BEEPING AND GOING OFF AND I CANT GET TO IT!  MY POOR PHONE!  The floors laugh and taunt me... "We have your phone....  You have a message too... You can’t get to it!"  
Now here is the dilemma... Do I just walk across my lovely clean floors and get my phone?!  NO I CAN’T DO THAT!  I GOT THEM CLEAN and it will leave foot prints and my feet will be wet and mark up my clean wood floors in my other rooms!  OH WOE WOE WOE IS ME!!!!  So I stand in my hallway just listening to my phone beep at me in a sad little cry when I hear that evil laugh again from the floors....  They chant out to me..."Wouldnt you just love some coffee....."
DAMN YOUS FLOORS!  THEY HAVE MY COFFEE POT!

I have lost this battle...  The phone and the coffee pot...  RIP!  You were strong warriors!  

The Kitchen Floor Wars Saga Continues!!!!

Through a rescue ops mission I went to take back my Phone!  In the battle I lost the trusty PINK BEAST (my bluetooth) and was still unable to get to the phone... le sigh…

So my trusty sidekick Miss Roxy (my doggy) thought she could go and lick on the floors.. Tickle them into submission! 
NO!  THEY WON OVER!  She cried and ran off!  My poor little sidekick...

Finally I can go into my kitchen and reclaim my coffee pot and found where they hid my phone!  As I get my lovely cup of coffee... THE FLOORS FIGHT BACK!  I stumble and coffee goes on the floor!  They mock me further...  "WE ARE DIRTY AGAIN!"  Blasted floors!

So I pull back out the mop!  "YOU WILL NOT DEFEAT ME!!!!!!!!!!" 

So I easily got the coffee up... The floors groaned... I laughed!

And to further teach them a lesson... They now have a lovely throw rug over them!

I HAVE WON!!!!!!!!!!!!  VICTORY IS MINE!

Now to just stop thinking about how much dirt will collect under that rug.  Oh I can hear them mocking me already!  Le sigh…